Diet

I saw a fat lady begging on a street corner today. Her cardboard sign said "Hungry".

You Don't Say

My peanut butter has a warning label that says "Produced in a factory that processes peanuts."

Crap

I'm getting over the stomach flu and decided that I was well enough to venture out into the world and run a few errands. Of course, as soon as I walked into the store, my stomach started rumbling. I convinced Kiddo to walk quickly (yet nonchalantly) to the restroom. I tried to poop like a ninja. I would have been successful, except that Kiddo is two. At the top of his lungs (there is no other tone of voice) he announced "You went poop didn't you? Wow! That's a lot of poop! You pooped a lot, you really did! Good job Mom!"

Engineers

My husband loves playing video games. We had a big fight over him playing them around our son. He insisted that our two-year-old would understand it was just pretend. It quickly became obvious that I was (obviously) right.

Son: MOM! That white truck is a bad guy! Run him off the road! HIT HIS CAR! HIT IT! Don't let him get away!

My husband got the point and stopped playing games when our son is around. However, it has been months and the kid has not forgotten a thing. We frequently have conversations like this:

Son: What's that building?
Me: That's the College of Engineering. That's where you'll go to school if you want to be an engineer. Engineers design new things.
Son: And they have big guns and shoot down the bad guys!

Nuts

Earlier this week my husband told me about the psych ward at the hospital. It turns out that if you drop someone off there, the hospital is required to keep them for at least 72 hours to do a psych evaluation. Today, in the midst of the dirty house and the screaming kid, I remembered the psych ward.

Me: Hey hun, do the people in the psych ward have their own rooms?
Hubby: Yeah.
Me: Do they have air conditioning?
Hubby: Yeah.
Me: Can I bring a book?

Bribes!

You mean I can't even BRIBE you people to post?

Geeze!

It was a...

...TINY PLUNGER!

Seriously. WTF.

Contest!

LareePQG can't be the only one to have a contest! Oh man, am I a copycat.

If you would like a chance to win a pack of seeds (my choice), then respond to this post with your bestest guess.

Someone gave this to me at a dental convention yesterday.

What is it?

The winner will be randomly chosen from the group of people who guess correctly. This contest will close when I feel like closing it, so don't dawdle!

Caffeine!

Today I had: 2 shots of espresso, a bottle of Starbucks' frappuccino, a cup of coffee, a soda, and 2 chocolate covered espresso beans. Let's just say it kept my patients entertained. Or, possibly, annoyed.