Drunk Brownies

I made brownies. Fancy fudge brownies featuring chocolate infused with Grand Marnier, which results in hints of hazelnut, orange, and cognac.

(Click for bigger)

Cox Communications

I enjoy chatting with my patients about where they work. I usually ask if they still like the company after working for them. It is nice to know how a large corporation treats their employees. Similarly, I ask restaurant employees if they'll still eat at the restaurant they work at after seeing what goes on behind the scenes.

The other day I met a nice young lady who worked for Cox Communications.

I asked her, "Do you still like Cox?"

Thank god she had a sense of humor.

Amazon

I met a nice old couple who worked for Amazon.com's shipping center during the Christmas season. They joked that Amazon sold "everything from bibles to dildos."

I asked them which one they sold more of.

Dildos, obviously.

I'm assuming that people don't wear out their bibles.

Awkward

If someone tells you that she hasn't seen her boyfriend in two years, you should assume that he is in the military. You should not assume that the restraining order is up.

Why?

My two-year-old is a fountain of questions.

Today we were visiting with Grandma Gin and he wanted to know about a rock that was on her bookshelf. "What's that rock doin' Grandma?"

She explained that it was a rock that is called tuff.
"What tuff?"

She explained that tuff forms during volcanic eruptions.
"What that?"

She explained that volcanoes are openings in the earth that allow lava to escape, sometimes in a large explosion.
"Why?"

She explained that sometimes there aren't enough virgins to sacrifice.

Useless

My Super Power: No matter what I'm cooking, I always arrive in the kitchen seconds before the timer goes off.

Big Cucumber

I love PostSecret.com. It is a project where people anonymously mail in their secrets, in the form of post cards. Some of the secrets are posted on the website.

Today I was at the grocery store, and while I was selecting a cucumber I remembered a secret I had seen posted earlier this week: "When I'm grocering falic vegetables I'm always afraid people think I'm choosing them by size to use as sex toys."

I smiled mischievously without meaning to, contemplating the silliness of the secret, and selected the biggest and most phallic cucumber of all. Then, still half smiling to myself, I glanced up and accidentally made eye-contact with some guy.

I believe my expression was entirely misinterpreted.

Conversation

My husband didn't get me a birthday present. He says that he didn't know what to get me, because the only thing I like are chickens and we definitely have enough of those (this is a point that I might argue).

Later, he complained that he has scrawny chicken legs. I reminded him that I like chickens, and his scrawny chicken legs are only reason I married him.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

This year I intend to get in shape. I want to work up to a half marathon. I think I can do that in a year.

I also want to learn to be laid back.

I'm going to spend less money.

I also intend to add to this list...